Dwarves Don't Worship Beer

I get it. It's cute, they're funny little pseudo-vikings, waddling around being drunk and stubborn and murdering orcs. I get it.

I just happen to think it's kind of stupid.

I recently purchased the above Reaper Bones figure and in the package, as in the photo above, it was impossible to tell that emblazoned on his shield is a tiny little picture of a foaming beer stein.

Which is fine. This is extremely common across manufacturers, and would not have deterred me from buying the figure. But it did get me thinking. Why on earth (or one of its suitably elaborated, imaginary surrogates) would a dwarf decorate his shield with a mug of beer? Shields should be emblazoned with ferocious things, or heraldic things, or things that embody the spirit of the dwarf-at-war.

Which led me to conclude that the whole beer iconography with dwarves is just one of several conventions for (lazily) representing dwarf 'culture.' (Q: "What makes dwarves different, you know, as a race?" A: "They really, really like beer." Q: "But how do we clearly represent this rather obscure fact of their imaginary culture?" A: "I know! We'll put it on their shields!")

But that's another thing... really liking beer isn't a trait that sufficiently establishes a cultural identity. Particularly not when you are trying, as all fantasy settings these days seem inevitably to do, to make an imaginary race. Many cultures widely appreciate beer, but this does not define them. Culture is too abstract for that. So to say that an entire race can be defined by its love of beer is just silly.* 

It is NOT EVEN like saying all humans love drinking Soda, which definitely isn't true but might seem true to an outside observer, on a first glance, before they could get down to cases.

It IS like saying that all humans love drinking soda BECAUSE THEY ARE HUMANS. A-and that's where the whole idea starts to get really creepy. And so do all the others. Dwarves being slow, or stubborn, or bearing grudges...it all starts to sound uncomfortably like certain modes of racial stereotyping--which may be fine if you are trying to model that kind of thing in your game as an element of the story (this is big in RPG games, I'm told), but is less fine if you find that you are the one perpetrating stereotypes without thinking.

The kicker here is that dwarves are simply more compelling when they aren't conceived as a race anyway. Same with elves, and orcs, and whatever. Because what our monsters really represent (at least in my conception) is an utterly alien and incomprehensible force that nonetheless resides in the human psyche. Or rather, the very idea of monsters exists as an attempt to understand that force. The advantage to fantasy is that those monsters become literal in the game.

This makes sense to me. Because then the story of the game is not human vs. monster, or good vs. evil, but rather human vs. the most troubling aspects about himself. That story sounds more compelling.

So I sculpted right over that beer emblem. I decided that this guy has a magical shield which tells him secrets in blank pentameter. The sculpting was rough, but I wasn't in the mood for anything elaborate.

I also decided that there are no dwarves in the warbands I create, or on the Wyrdwold in general. Instead, there are Hunchymen.

Hunchymen was a term originally applied to those peasants who were forced to work in the drear and dangerous northern mining collonies of the Magnifex. The miners soon become stooped and mangled in the dwimmerdark--for they did not know what they were mining, and it was often deadly. When the peasants, after a few scant years of labor, could no longer work, they were forced out of the colonies to seek out vagrant and beggarly existences.

The term is now used by those in the grubby townships of the Wyrdwold to describe those who choose to dwell on the open land. These include, most commonly, veterans of the many wars of the Magnifex who, as meager compensation for their ruined lives, have been granted allotments of stony and twisted ground on which to stead; but also hermits and outcasts, roving banditry and peddlars, and less defineable, more troubling creatures which stir only at night. Hunchyman in this context is used to communicate that the individual is a stranger, is potentially dangerous, and is quite possibly mad.

Hunchyman is also used very loosely in the townships as a general derogatory term for the poor, the lowly, the dirty, or the openly lecherous. It's use in this context generally conotes that the hunchyperson is not wanted and not welcome.

To let me know what you think, go ahead and build yourself a shield and then paint upon it an emblem that you think best represents the gist of your thoughts. Or just put a comment in the comments box.

*Don't get me wrong, I love beer. But how do dwarves even grow grains up in the mountains? Environmentally, one would think that grapes would do better. It is at least conceivable that some dwarves prefer wine.

Another Dwarf and his - Slightly Larger - Hammer

Here we have another of the converted dwarf warriors, all painted up and ready to splinter iron-banded doors, bust the hinges off be-plated ne'er-do-wells, and test the reflex reactions of giants. 

What must it be like to be a bone-weary adventurer whose only worldly possessions are a super-massive hammer and a cloak made out of shag carpet? Tiring and warm, I'd bet.

Overall, I'm pretty pleased with how the figure came out. But here, as always, is where the litany of errors begins.

For one thing, the non-metallic metal, while marginally better than on his stout compatriot, is still kind of laughable-- not that I'm discontent, you understand, but one must recognize areas that need improving.

One other such area is in my model preparation. Specifically, I should really take more care and patience in removing mold lines. There are a couple here which do not show that much on the table, but are painfully obvious in the photos.

A further such area is in my hair sculpting. I really like the way the matted fur texturing came out, but the hair really looks flat by comparison.

The NMM on the hammer head is particularly ineffective. The rest just looks more or less gray.

On the plus side, I'm really starting to like the puddles on the bases. They're getting close to what I envision...just need a touch of something to capture that murky-but-reflective brilliance of unhappy pools under a wrathful sky.

Anyhow, go forth little bearded one. Hammer what needs hammering.

If you have any comments, just use your own hammer to bop the little button below. It's like whackamole.

A Dwarf and His Hammer

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,

While hammers fell like ringing bells,

In places deep, where dark things sleep,

In hollow halls beneath the fells.

--Over the Misty Mountains Cold, J.R.R. Tolkien

For some reason, that particular verse of that particular poem was echoing on loop while I painted this figure. I love that internal rhyme.

Anyway, here's one of those converted dwarf warriors all painted up. Above is a good example of the puddle effect I am developing for bases. Still needs work, but I'm getting there. You can also see the rudimentary non-metallic metal I tried to employ, especially on the shield below.

NMM is a tricky technique to get used to because it takes a lot of careful thought and a lot of patience with the blending...and honestly, I wasn't willing to take too much time on these particular figures. So I used paint that was a little thicker than it should have been and made transitions that were a little too abrupt. The result doesn't really look like metal, but it does have some contrast so I'm content.

I also need to work on brush direction. This is a basic principle that I always forget to follow, but it is one of the easiest ways to improve one's blending. Simply remember to draw the brush in the direction of the gradient of increasing pigment intensity (e.g. towards the brightest spot on a highlight.) The brush will naturally leave less paint at the beginning of the stroke than at the end. That way, one makes transitions rather than blocks of lighter color (which are instantly recognizable by the lines of their boundary--see the cloak highlight above.)

But that's why it can be nice to just churn out figures sometimes. It gives you ample mistakes from which to learn.

I'm sorry if this post was a little boring and obvious for some readers (among whom I know there are some excellent and experienced painters) but writing these things down helps me remember the things I need to work on.

Thanks for reading! Please share any tips you might find invaluable by painstakingly painting them into the comment box below.

A Couple Burly Conversions

As promised, here are the other two converted dwarf warriors. Pretty much the same stuff as before, but this  time I was a little more adventurous.

I wanted a heavily armored dwarf, so I gave this guy some BURLY SHOULDER ARMOR. This armor is important if you spend a lot of time in fantasy battles because if you don't have it, your opponent can cut you. RIGHT IN THE SHOULDER. They are a little lumpy due to my lack of patience in trying to create a hard edge in Apoxie Sculpt/ Green Stuff.

I also wanted him to have a shield, but the ones supplied on the plastic dwarf sprue were definitely not burly enough. (If you couldn't tell already, "burliness" is a real theme in this post.) So I added a little extra around the edges...

...Plus some wood-grain for the back. Nothing fancy.

Now THIS guy took some work. Obviously, the two handed hammer needed something. What was it? Oh yeah. BURLINESS. I mixed up some Apoxie Sculpt and G.S., formed a rough cube, let it cure, and then ran it over fine-grit sand paper to get the sharpish edges.

Unfortunately, the arms provided on the sprue were not burly enough to accommodate a two handed pose with said hammer. (Weird that they would provide a piece that doesn't fit, but whatever...) I had to severely elongate the model's left arm to make this pose work. I lengthened the arm with a bit of paper clip, and then sculpted a simple vambrace over it. Never mind that it doesn't match! I didn't have much patience after all the chopping, as I also had to dislocate the shoulder because the arm was THAT short. This left a gaping hole where the arm socket was.

...which led me to the decision to burly up his cloak a little bit. I decided to do some matted fur so I could practice my texture sculpting. And there it is. I think I did a pretty good job of using the fur cloak to fill the gap in the shoulder, though there is an angle on one side where it looks a little weird. Oh well. I wanted idiosyncrasy.

Seriously, though, I really like it. And I'm excited to have a couple of heavy hitters for my little band of lost dwarves.

And here's dwarf number one again, after an unfortunate paint job and an even less fortunate strip job, in which the winged crests of his helm were lost forever (God! What a fiddly kit!). So I sculpted him up some nice, asymmetric horns. Perhaps not burly, but certainly unique.

Which brings me at last to this distinctly non-dwarven bit of putty magic. This is one of the used figures I picked up for Christmas. He was missing an arm, and I thought it would be no problem to sculpt him another (I was wrong, it was very difficult) but then the horns on the dwarf above gave me the idea for the weird, twisty claw thing. HETERODOXY! He will probably have the "Mutant" special rule from Song of Gold and Darkness. Unless you can provide a better idea, by using the fancy button below.

A Couple Stout Conversions

About a year ago, I bought a box of used plastic Citadel dwarf warriors from the discount shelf at the Dice Dojo ($17! Sweet!) At the time, I had just discovered Blood Bowl and was looking for cheap ways to make teams.

I separated out all of the pieces I would use for the team (I will have to convert/sculpt a pair of Troll Slayers, Runners, and, of course, the death roller. If you're patient, you might just see that project some day.) I found that I had enough left over to make a small party of dwarven adventurers.

What you may not know about this particular plastic set, and what I found out shortly after sitting down to assemble it, is that it is total crap. It seems like none of the pieces fit together as intended. The bodies come in two pieces, front and back-- or more accurately, beard and legs-- and I had to spend at least 15 minutes shaving and filing each piece in order to get them to fit together. And even then there were gaps. Big ones. Between the hair and the helmet, the beard and the body, the arms and the sockets... a total mess.

                                     

Fortunately, I dislike having figures that too closely resemble one another. So it became an opportunity to practice my putty work. To fill the cracks between the helmet and the top of the warrior's back, I sculpted longer, knottier hair. To cover the gaps in the shoulders, I sculpted armor (or more hair.) To cover the seams running down the sides, I sculpted extra folds in the cloaks (or even more hair.)

These are just the first two. There are two more to come, so keep an eye out. And let me know what you think!