Encounter in the Valley of Mud

What follows is a report for a solo game of Song of Blades and Heroes that I played a few months ago. The weather was cold, the tea was hot, and the battlemat was dry, so I thought what the heck. 

I set up some scenery, took my deck of characters, and randomly dealt out eight per side.

Laird Bilebroke and his banditry, having heard rumor of an incursion of Dwimmer-beasts into his haunts in the surrounding regions of Skeldkryk, hear a distant wailing chant that alert them to their foes. They prepare for battle. 

The Warder of the Wyrd approaches from the west with a number of hunchymen mercenaries accompanying his foul twilight kinder. He aims to befoul the waters of Skeldkryk and to carry off all of the children born upon the seventh day. The Shivering King has also chosen to ride with the Warder, for dark purposes of his own.

The Dwimmer-folk take up positions on the west side of the valley of mud. The hunchymen Clodgy Fern and Gorish the Gaveler secret themselves with Indoomiel in the marshy copse, hoping to cover the advance of the rest of the band with Indoomiel's bow.

The others take up position on the ridge line overlooking the sordid vale. On the other side, Bilebroke orders his main contingent into a defensive posture around the ruined stead on the hill, while the Lord of the Lichens leads a vangaurd along the North flank, through the forest of pillars.

Sighting his hated adversary, the Shivering King spurs his horse at the Chewer of Knees, whispering vile curses as he hefts his sword. The rest of the line advances slowly down the hill, watching with growing hunger to see the outcome of the King's fearsome charge.

Bilebroke takes up behind the wall to watch the fight. He is tempted to abandon the ruins and commit his men to battle, but Crutchkerl, noticing movement in the dank spinneys to the southwest, wisely counsels caution. Falsneer the Perjurer prepares to blast any who approach with cursed fire.

Aelfnir and the Lord of the Lichens leap upon the Shivering King, but he throws them back and knocks the Chewer of knees into the mud.

Seeing the abundance of vulnerable flesh, the Keeper of Livers charges down the hill and batters Aelfnir back. The Shivering King prepares to finish the Chewer of Knees as the hated demon struggles in the mud. He weeps in anticipation.

Bilebroke's advanced gaurd struggles to defend itself against the powerful Dwimmer-beasts. If they do not manage to turn the spearhead attack of the Keeper and the Shivering King, then they are likely to perish and cede the valley. In desperation, Crutchkerl attempts to bolster them with puckish majicks, but only succeeds in making Aelfnir violently ill.

(Games of SoBH are often determined in such crucial moments. Attempting to buff Aelfnir so that he could take down the Keeper of Livers, Crutchkerl rolled snake-eyes to activate, causing a turnover and giving the rest of the Warder's troops time to engage and overwhelm the vangaurd.)

Yea, it was the Warder who turned the fickle tide of enchantment and paralyzed Aelfnir with flux. He has, after all, to honor his contract with the Keeper of Livers; the demon sinks his axe into the unfortunate madman, and then with his talons seeks out that loveliest of organs...

Gorish and Clodgy advance up the hill under cover of Indoomiel's bow. Meanwhile, the terror of churning mud continues. The only chance Bilebroke's men have of arresting the slavering advance is to kill the Warder of Wyrd himself. In vain, the Chewer of Knees tries to force through the Warder's guard. They stand fast, but Squamous Filch falls and is nearly suffocated by the Chewer's demoniac breath. Seeing his frightful advance, the Warder tries to bind him with majick and Bale Grimly holds aloft the Comely Visage, attempting to subdue the Chewer's will, but to no avail.

At last Bilebroke deigns to enter the field. He vaults the wall and  with dread aura assails the Warder of the Wyrd.

The Warder scorns the Hunchy-Lord and stands to meet him, drawing his wicked curved blade. However, the Laird's wrath is not to be stayed, and the Warder receives a maul to the face as payment for his impudence.

There is a crack as of a tree struck by lightening, and a smell as of bog-rose and camphor and the Warder is gone. Without his will to direct them, the Dwimmer-beasts begin to scatter. The Chewer of Knees tears the legs from Squamous Filch as he tries to crawl away; the Lord of the Lichens catches Bale Grimly upon his heels and decapitates him in a shower of blood (or so it seems - in the aftermath of the battle, his body is nowhere to be found, and neither is the Comely Visage). Dismayed, the Shivering King and the Keeper of Livers withdraw into the forest of pillars.

The hunchymen on the other flank finally make good their assault. Gorish splinters with his gavel the bony face of the Creeping Scyther. Clodgy Fern roars as he tries to carry the wall, but he is unprepared for the determination of Skjorn Boarkind, who knocks the over-eager hunchyman off balance.

Meanwhile, the Shivering King, goaded by the Chewer's jeering howls, turns his steed and once again charges his hated foe, but the demon nimbly avoids the dread knight's sword and strikes him a blow that would have unseamed him, were it not for his jeweled cuirass.

The remainder of the vanguard once more rally around the Chewer of Knees. Bilebroke's ire is now palpable and his remaining adversaries fly before his terrible aspect. The Lord of the Lichens cuts the Keeper of Livers down in the mud as he tries to escape.Hearing the cries of their earstwhile compatriots, the hunchymen on the southern flank are un(hunchy)manned and turn to flee as well.

(Laird Bilebroke has the Terrror special rule, which proved to be highly effective in this situation. As he charged the Shivering King for the first time, the SK had to pass a morale roll. When he failed, the Terror rule stipulates that Bilebroke could then shift his charge to the Keeper of Livers and force another morale roll. The KoL also failed and was cut down, bringing his warband under 50% and forcing another general morale roll, which pretty much meant the end of the fight. It's a good example of how the morale mechanics and certain special rules can combine to overcome high combat-score adversaries.)

Seeing the hunchymen butchered atop the hill, Indoomiel turns to run, occasionally loosing an arrow to try and discourage pursuit.  Unfortunately, the Lord of the Lichens, heedless of the barbs, rides down Drendolfin Indoomiel and carries his head on his sword.

The Keeper of Livers

Redly together they quiver,

preserved in a fumigant river,

released from your bowels to slither

and dance for the sorrow of men.

Through gullies with rocks all a-shiver,

past gardens he keeps just to wither,

where his hermitous adepts do dither

while singing their unquiet hymns.

Rejoice, child, for now he comes hither,

your succulent body to sliver.

They name him the KEEPER OF LIVERS

who sing of his slavering ways.

Flayer of Shins

                                             What is that pennant that waves side to side?
                                             Above yonder ravening, villanous tide?
                                             The icon depicting a Toad-o'-the-pit
                                             on a stitched fabric of cured, leggish hide.

                                             Growing, the scabrous image of dread,
                                             Before which the armies of sane men have fled,
                                             Before which the ravening legions have bled,
                                             Yea, growing, the mammet draws nigh.

                                             'Coming,' the ashen-faced messengers told,
                                             'Burning with fire and pissing on gold,
                                             The Flayer of Shins is consuming the 'wold,
                                             and bearing his foul banner high.'

Breaking New Ground

Because having one flexible gaming mat just isn't enough. Especially when that mat is sized for a diminutive 2.5 by 3.5 foot dining table...

I now have the luxury of a somewhat bigger table, and even though it's not quite 4 by 4, I figured this time I'd just go for my ideal size. 

Above, the mat-to-be is layed out on the floor of my voluminous primary workshop (bedroom). Here's a pro tip: mark out your dimensions on the back of the mat so it's easy to cut it later.

Here is the mat tied out on the floor of my spacious secondary workshop (living room). Here's an amateur tip: go ahead and slather paste and sand over the carefully marked out dimensions you put on before. That way you'll have something to curse about later.

With the previous mat I was having trouble with the flocking mixture coming off of the mat when it was rolled up. I decided to solve that this time by making the mat without flocking. Instead I opted to flood it with a variety of dilute greens and yellows.

And that's pretty much it. The drawback to going without flock is that it now needs a ton of dry-brushing. But I figure that can be a gradual process. Hopefully I'll get to show you the more-or-less finished version in a battle-report soon!

Fun With Blue Foam

It was bound to happen eventually. I found the blue foam at the local art store, and then, of course, had immediately to devise some new terrain projects that involved carving it all up.

I carved up some nice, creepy stone heads. The kind of things I imagine you would find leering from the darker crags and hollows of the Wyrdwold...

Since I was already making terrain, I decided I might as well throw together some dice pillars. Because why not? Also because I had a bunch of bicycle dice that I actually hated using.

And finally I carved up some fantastically-shaped howes and barrows. So now I'll have some plausible treasure recepticles for unsavory characters to raid.

Finished pics to follow. In the meantime, why not carve your thoughts into the soft, blue foam of the comments box, just down there:

Krynek, the Bloody Knell

Hide you well within the dale,

or in the muck below the swale,

or scale you down an empty well,

or tread the weald far off the trail.

Still will you hear the Bloody Knell;

Coming so near, the Bloody Knell.

My Eleven Minutes in the Light

Yes, that's right. The ever-generous Asslessman, who has had such a loyal and abiding interest in my humble corner of the internet, has nominated me for a Liebster award (well, like 3 weeks ago...oops). Thanks A.man!

I know that Liebster posts can be kind of long and self-interested, so for those who don't feel like reading my waffle, I've included my photo-and-caption version of the "Blood-Soaked Back Alleys" battle report for Song of Blades and Heroes. Just look at all the pictures. They are the stepping stones across my brook of babble.

The mists of morning part around Vildeburg to reveal the hulking forms of dwimmer-beasts and dire men at the edge of town, gathered around the idly flapping pennant of the Mammet of the Eye. The merchant princes are plump with trinkets for the pawing; the men of the watch are daft and restive after a long night.

For those unfamiliar, the Liebster is kind of a blogger-to-blogger chain-award. The nominee has to say 11 true things about themselves, then answer 11 questions posed by the blogger who nominated them. Finally, they nominate 11 further deserving bloggers who have 500 followers or fewer, and then pose them 11 further questions.

The Shivering King and the Lord of the Lichens, snarling and bellowing inanities respectively, emerge from the fog of the street to ride down the men of the watch amid a resounding of hooves and cobbles.

So, without further ado, here are 11 true things about me:

• I am somewhere between 5'10" and 5'11" in height. But when asked I always say 5'11"
• I have a tremedous capacity for re-watching/reading/listening to shows/books/albums that I've already watched/read/heard.
• I really like beer, and I like brewing it too. (It's another hobby that I've been meaning to put on this blog, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.)
• I am obsessive about making things. If I find something that I think is cool, my first thought is usually to wonder if I can make it myself. (Usually the answer is no. But it doesn't stop me trying.)
• I enjoy bicycling. It's another hobby I want to include in this blog, but I'm not really sure how...

Meanwhile the Warder of Wyrd and his retinue of foul things burst from the crypt of the Church on the hill, where they snuck by ways most dark.

• I desperately want a garden so I can grow my own food. (I live in the city, though. So no good.) The thing I am most excited to cultivate, though, is moss.
• I'm a self taught guitarist! :D
• I'm a really shitty guitarist! :(
• I'm having trouble coming up with more truths (true story).
• It's taken me three days to write this post so far (I'm doing this part last).
• I probably own more books that I haven't read than ones I have.

Brittlegast the Cut-Pate smiles a sickening smile in anticipation of the struggle and the blood. Bale Grimly holds the Comely Visage aloft so that its eye might catch the sun. 

And here are my answers to the questions Asslessman asked:

• How did you end up spending a lot of time/energy/money on such a hobby? I started gaming with the ubiquitous 40k. I had an Eldar army that I loved but that was, even in the early aughts, far too expensive. So eventually I gave it up in favor of having pocket money and trying to meet girls. Then in college, after meeting the spectacular girl that I love today, I discovered the awesome skirmish game called Skulldred, authored by the even awesomer Delaney King (see blog recommendations). I also rediscovered Blood Bowl, and found out that one of the biggest North American Blood Bowl tourneys is right in my backyard. I discovered that I could game affordably using free/independently-produced rule sets and a small number of figures from any range that I fancied. I found an awesome, awesome gaming group (again, see blog recommendations) , and that was that. Here I am. Here you are. Hi.
• What or Who had been your major influence(s) over the years? Delaney King. John Blanche and Rick Priestly. Alessio Calvatore and Andrea Sfiligoi. Al Cisneros, Jason Simon, Mervyn Peake, Stephen Fry, Bill Bailey, Tom Fitzgerald. And so many others. If I see/watch/listen to anything cool, I try and absorb it.

Mercenary allies lie in wait for the Barbarian Prince to flee with his gems.

• What part of your hobby would you want to explore further? I want to start sculpting in a more serious way, and then I want to resin-cast what I sculpt. I also want to write some more supplemental materials for the games I love, and maybe even make a (super basic) game of my own.
• What does this hobby bring you, what makes you keep it? It gives me self-expression, but the stakes are lower than drawing or writing or composing. I guess that’s the easiest answer. I like making cool things! (Or trying, anyway.)
• What part of your personality would you change if you were forced to? If I could make myself more disciplined and focused without sacrificing my groovy, relaxed demeanor, I would totally do that. I’d also like to give myself a photographic memory.

A squadron of stout Blunderbussers charge the nightmare troupe at the chapel, in hopes of breaking through and meeting their leader at the docks.

• What animal would you be? A person? Most animals can’t hold things. That kind of ruins the whole idea for me. Wings would be nice though.
• Is your glass half empty, half full or twice too big? Half full. Often entirely full, actually. I almost always have a beverage.

Krynek, the Bloody Knell, is nearly gunned down by the oncoming cavalry, but he chews his beard and readies himself before screeching an oath and launching himself into the teeth of the boars.

• What would the 10 year old you say of the present you ? “You have cool toys.”
• What makes you really laugh? A whole lot of things, a disturbing number of which are connected in some way to Stephen Fry. But all kinds of others too. Douglas Adams still gets me every time.
• What are your top 5 songs or musics? I’m going to go with albums for this one (though this list is always changing): Dopesmoker by Sleep; Dead Meadow by Dead Meadow; Pilgrimage by Om; Pink by Boris; Electric Wizard by Electric Wizard.
• What are your top 5 reads? The Gormenghast Trilogy by Mervyn Peake. If you only read one, read the first (Titus Groan). I totally understand if you can’t make it through the last (Titus Alone); The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams; The Silmarilion by J.R.R. Tolkein; Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.

Turned at last by the daemonic cohort, the boar-riders turn instead to provide aid to the mageling, who is attempting to gain the safety of the wards of his sorcerous tower. In frothing madness, the Heaper of Teeth leaps down after them and unseams the reargard rider from scalp to stirrup. The Heaper of Teeth gleefully collects the boar's tusks and the riders jaw bone...they will surmount his most wonderous pile yet.

And here are my nominations for the excellent blogs that I think deserve a Liebster. They are all very inspiring, and have pushed me to improve my own hobby and blog. I don't really care whether they accept the award or not (i.e. go through this whole rigmarole); what's really important to me is that you go check them out. They do great work.

1. Chicago Skirmish Wargames: This is the blog for the club I game with. Without these guys (and their blog, which is how I found them), I would still be sitting around painting and playing solo games. They have groovy, relaxed demeanors just like mine!
2. King’s Miniatures: The blog of the girl who brought me into skirmish gaming. Amazingly creative, charmingly relaxed, old-school-ically kick ass.
3. Middenmurk: A crap-sack setting for Labyrinth Lord or other OSR role-playing games. Each post is a new random table or adventure hook, but they are heavily contextualized with Northern Renaissance and other dark fantasy art, as well as intense philosophical musings on what fantasy should be. Tom Fitzgerald’s writing, like Peake’s, has been hugely influential to me over the past year, and combined they have taught me more words than anyone else in my living memory. And I don’t even play role-playing games! (Yet, anyway).
4. Tales From the Maelstrom: This blog encapsulates everything I love about Rogue Trader and the Oldhammerish ethos of havin’ fun and playin’ quirky games.
5. Carmen’s Fun Painty Time: Not only is Carmen a great painter, but he also puts together some of the best small scale narrative after-action reports on the web. Check him out!
6. Tales from Farpoint: The oddly pseudonym’d Space Cow Smith is currently working on using Rogue Trader to model a kind of alternate timeline of 40k, in which humanity is prosperous, technology is progressive, and there really is something other than war. It’s delightful stuff, and he really owns his setting.
7. Devlanmud: A blog after my own heart. All about gaming, sculpting, modeling, and, occasionally, guitars.
8. Sho3box: Just found out about this blog, but the figures are outstanding. And check out the Deathworld jungle terrain, it’s spectacular.
9. Thenickeninja’s blog: Has some of the most spectacular Necromunda terrain I’ve ever seen, as well as amazing models for classics like Gorkamorka.
10. From the Sorcerer’s Skull: Like Middenmurk, Trey’s inspiring blog contains elegant ideas about fantastical worlds, laid down in beautiful prose. I love reading his posts over lunch.
11. Sir Skofis’s Workshop: home of the Warhammer and Blood  Bowl projects of Sir Skofis and his brother. These señores have some serious scratch-building chops. From tanks and walkers to custom-sculpted Blood Bowl figs. I love seeing what these guys have next.

The Shivering King and Brittlegast delight in the sport of hunting the desperate men of the watch, while the Mageling flings himself toward the doorposts of his tower.

Again, I won’t be offended if any/all of my nominees do not answer these questions, but it’s part of the whole (surprisingly lengthy) Liebster process. So below are the 11 questions for my nominees:

1. What brought you to create your blog?
2. What or who are your most important influences?
3. What is the most important hobby, gaming, or blogging tip you would impart to a beginner?
4. What is your favorite gaming text of all time?
5. What is the common fantasy or gaming trope that annoys you the most?
6. What is the best sentence you have ever read? Or, if you can’t think of a particular line, what is the best book?
7. What music do you listen to, man?
8. Are you as burnt out on these questions as I am?
9. I don’t know, favorite sandwich topping?
10. Who’s your favorite Wizard?
11. How about your favorite sidedness of dice. And, I guess, why?

But the Flayer of Shins is upon him in a twinkling, vaulting a cart and casting down the Mammet of the Eye, he cuts the Mageling's knees from under him The remainder of the watch flees in terror. The Flayer of shins scrambles in the mud for his grizzly prizes, and the Shivering King calmly leans from the saddle to collect the mage's enchanted eye-jewel. The din of the fight still envelops Vildeburg, but the sun is rising and it is time to return to the Wold with the takings.